I Thought I Was the Problem — Until I Realized I Was Being Gaslighted

 

For a long time, I genuinely believed I was the one messing everything up.

Every disagreement felt like my fault. Every time I brought up something that bothered me, he’d twist it around — suddenly I was being too sensitive, too dramatic, too forgetful. He’d say things like, “That never happened,” or “You always take things the wrong way.” And because I loved him, I started to believe it.

I remember one night clearly — I was upset because he’d made a sarcastic comment about me in front of our friends. Later, when I brought it up, hoping for a simple apology, he looked at me and said, “Wow, I can’t believe you’re making such a big deal out of a joke. You always do this.” The way he said it made me feel guilty — like I was the one overreacting.

So, I apologized.

That was the pattern. I’d express how I felt, and somehow, I’d end up being the one saying sorry. Slowly, I stopped trusting my own feelings. I started second-guessing everything — what I said, what I remembered, even how I felt.

It wasn’t until a friend asked me, “Do you feel like you're always walking on eggshells?” that something clicked. I hadn’t realized how often I filtered my words or swallowed my emotions just to avoid another argument that would end in confusion and self-blame.

That was the beginning of me waking up to what was really happening: I wasn’t “too emotional” or “imagining things.” I was being gaslighted.

It took time and a lot of self-compassion to untangle myself from that mindset. But I share this now in case someone else out there feels like they’re constantly questioning themselves in a relationship.

If that’s you — you’re not crazy. And you’re definitely not alone.

-Amity Rose-